Our Story, Part 5: Deborah
Deborah was the Relief Society President for the entire 2-year period leading up to our engagement. She obviously knew all the girls in the ward very well, and I often went to her for recommendations, as I dated girls in the ward almost exclusively. In the two years after my mission, the three girls that I dated most were Janey, Aubri, and Rachel (all in the ward). Deborah really liked Rachel. More specifically, Deborah really liked "Ronny and Rachel".
Unfortunately, it was pretty clear (to both Rachel and I) from the beginning that things weren't going to work out, but neither one of us had anyone else knocking down our door, so we kept dating until February of 1998, when we broke up for the last time (yes there had been brief periods before). I wasn't too heartbroken. Like I said, it was obvious to us both that things weren't going to work out. Perhaps Deborah was more heartbroken than I was, because she was vocal with her opinions suggesting she would like us to get back together.
Like the rest of the ward (apparently), Deborah also took notice that Denise and I had been spending a lot of time together. She was the final person to try to nail me down with the "What's going on between you and Denise?" question right before I headed into my wedding seminar with my engaged roommates the night before Denise got her call. Of course I was very convincing that night, because up to that point, I hadn't even seriously considered marrying Denise.
Deborah was graduating that term, so Mom and Dad and the whole family were already planning their trip to Provo to celebrate the first BYU graduations of the 2nd Grace Bjarnason generation (along with cousin Dave). Denise insisted that I notify my parents that something was going on. One night on the phone with Mom, I told her "Mom, when you get here, there might be someone here for you to meet." Denise was concerned that this message was too ambiguous. I knew, however, that this was a pristine code in Mom-speak that directly translated to "Mother, I have found a girl that I might marry. You need to instruct Father to be on his best behavior." Of course I was right.
Mom arrived before Dad, and took myself, Denise and Liz out to eat at T.G.I.Fridays. Before our food got there, I excused myself to the bathroom to wash my hands. No sooner had I left the table than Liz turned to Denise and asked if it was time to do "the interview". Nothing really came of it, but after that, Denise and I both thought that Liz had picked up on the hints, and knew what was going on. We found out later that Liz was kidding, and was blind to the situation.
On the day of graduation, Denise and I went together. After the graduates exited, Denise and I walked up the Marriott Center stairs and out the portal to find Dave and Deborah. As we exited the arena into the light of the concourse, there were Dave and Deborah. Deborah looked at us and did not look happy at all to see us together. Denise and I immediately suspected the obvious: Deborah was unhappy that Denise and I were turning into an item. This was a concern.
After graduation, Dad took us all, with Uncle John's family to the Olive Garden. Grandma Grace was there. Dad (on his best behavior), discretely talked to Denise out on the lawn. Denise did the best she could to keep quiet during dinner. Deborah, however, was very interested in letting everyone know that "Denise is going to go on a mission" - another clear signal that either Deborah was completely clueless or would rather have Denise in Brazil. Later that night, after Denise had left for California, I told Mom and Dad the whole story - that I had proposed, and gone to the temple, and Denise was still deciding, and that Deborah had no clue whatsoever. They told me that I needed to tell Deborah.
Secretly I was a little proud of myself that I had practically gotten engaged right under the nose of Deborah, who up to this point had been acutely aware of all my dating situations. I agreed that I needed to tell her.
The next day, without Uncle John's family, Dad took us to the Brick Oven. Grandma Grace was there again. Over dinner, the conversation turned to Deborah leaving the ward, and who would be replacing her as Relief Society President. Our brand new bishop had asked her for names, and she told us she had suggested three. I offered my guess to the three names she presented, and Deborah whispered something into Mom's ear. I asked Deborah what she had said, but she declined. I told her I would tell her something she wanted to know if she would tell me what she said to Mom.
She sat up straight, stiffened her shoulders, and gave me her best "How could you possibly know something that I don't know?" look. Mom and Dad knew differently, and with a little cajoling (especially on the part of Dad), they convinced her that this was a really good trade. She told me that what she had whispered was that I had guessed very well. I told her that I had proposed to Denise. She was floored. Later that night, in Deborah's apartment, I told her the whole story, from the beginning, including the parts where Denise and I were convinced that Deborah did not approve.
Deborah felt inclined to set things straight and asked permission to call Denise at her home to tell her that she approved. I told her no. She insisted. I again told her no. She re-insisted. I told her that I wanted to give Denise her space, and that I wasn't going to call Denise before she got back to Provo, and so she shouldn't call her either - NO. Deborah pleaded. I instructed her that I had told her no three times, but that she had her free agency and could do what she wanted.
Deborah called first thing in the morning.
Denise had a fun time explaining that phone call to her mother.
Next Post: Part 6: Jake
Other memories from Graduation 1998:
- Grandma Grace desperately trying to pay the bill at Olive Garden
Unfortunately, it was pretty clear (to both Rachel and I) from the beginning that things weren't going to work out, but neither one of us had anyone else knocking down our door, so we kept dating until February of 1998, when we broke up for the last time (yes there had been brief periods before). I wasn't too heartbroken. Like I said, it was obvious to us both that things weren't going to work out. Perhaps Deborah was more heartbroken than I was, because she was vocal with her opinions suggesting she would like us to get back together.
Like the rest of the ward (apparently), Deborah also took notice that Denise and I had been spending a lot of time together. She was the final person to try to nail me down with the "What's going on between you and Denise?" question right before I headed into my wedding seminar with my engaged roommates the night before Denise got her call. Of course I was very convincing that night, because up to that point, I hadn't even seriously considered marrying Denise.
Deborah was graduating that term, so Mom and Dad and the whole family were already planning their trip to Provo to celebrate the first BYU graduations of the 2nd Grace Bjarnason generation (along with cousin Dave). Denise insisted that I notify my parents that something was going on. One night on the phone with Mom, I told her "Mom, when you get here, there might be someone here for you to meet." Denise was concerned that this message was too ambiguous. I knew, however, that this was a pristine code in Mom-speak that directly translated to "Mother, I have found a girl that I might marry. You need to instruct Father to be on his best behavior." Of course I was right.
Mom arrived before Dad, and took myself, Denise and Liz out to eat at T.G.I.Fridays. Before our food got there, I excused myself to the bathroom to wash my hands. No sooner had I left the table than Liz turned to Denise and asked if it was time to do "the interview". Nothing really came of it, but after that, Denise and I both thought that Liz had picked up on the hints, and knew what was going on. We found out later that Liz was kidding, and was blind to the situation.
On the day of graduation, Denise and I went together. After the graduates exited, Denise and I walked up the Marriott Center stairs and out the portal to find Dave and Deborah. As we exited the arena into the light of the concourse, there were Dave and Deborah. Deborah looked at us and did not look happy at all to see us together. Denise and I immediately suspected the obvious: Deborah was unhappy that Denise and I were turning into an item. This was a concern.
After graduation, Dad took us all, with Uncle John's family to the Olive Garden. Grandma Grace was there. Dad (on his best behavior), discretely talked to Denise out on the lawn. Denise did the best she could to keep quiet during dinner. Deborah, however, was very interested in letting everyone know that "Denise is going to go on a mission" - another clear signal that either Deborah was completely clueless or would rather have Denise in Brazil. Later that night, after Denise had left for California, I told Mom and Dad the whole story - that I had proposed, and gone to the temple, and Denise was still deciding, and that Deborah had no clue whatsoever. They told me that I needed to tell Deborah.
Secretly I was a little proud of myself that I had practically gotten engaged right under the nose of Deborah, who up to this point had been acutely aware of all my dating situations. I agreed that I needed to tell her.
The next day, without Uncle John's family, Dad took us to the Brick Oven. Grandma Grace was there again. Over dinner, the conversation turned to Deborah leaving the ward, and who would be replacing her as Relief Society President. Our brand new bishop had asked her for names, and she told us she had suggested three. I offered my guess to the three names she presented, and Deborah whispered something into Mom's ear. I asked Deborah what she had said, but she declined. I told her I would tell her something she wanted to know if she would tell me what she said to Mom.
She sat up straight, stiffened her shoulders, and gave me her best "How could you possibly know something that I don't know?" look. Mom and Dad knew differently, and with a little cajoling (especially on the part of Dad), they convinced her that this was a really good trade. She told me that what she had whispered was that I had guessed very well. I told her that I had proposed to Denise. She was floored. Later that night, in Deborah's apartment, I told her the whole story, from the beginning, including the parts where Denise and I were convinced that Deborah did not approve.
Deborah felt inclined to set things straight and asked permission to call Denise at her home to tell her that she approved. I told her no. She insisted. I again told her no. She re-insisted. I told her that I wanted to give Denise her space, and that I wasn't going to call Denise before she got back to Provo, and so she shouldn't call her either - NO. Deborah pleaded. I instructed her that I had told her no three times, but that she had her free agency and could do what she wanted.
Deborah called first thing in the morning.
Denise had a fun time explaining that phone call to her mother.
Next Post: Part 6: Jake
Other memories from Graduation 1998:
- Grandma Grace desperately trying to pay the bill at Olive Garden
posted by ronny at 21:19
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