Our Story, Part 4: The Day After
Before we go on too much farther, I must point out a few facts. I had proposed to Denise. We had known each other for two years, but been dating less than two weeks. We had not yet kissed. We had not even yet held hands. I acknowledge that I put Denise in a strange position, having to make the single biggest decision in this lifetime about a guy with whom she had not gone through the traditional "get to know you" pattern.
I woke up the next morning more sure than ever that I had made the right decision. As promised, I went to the temple the next morning, and was pleased to spend a good amount of time in the Celestial Room. As I prayed, I got a very distinct impression that Denise would make a wonderful wife, and that this was a very good decision for me. I came home from the temple, changed, and felt obligated to report back to Denise. I fell asleep on her couch, and woke up when she came in, but I didn't get up. I figured if she wanted to talk to me, then she would come and talk, but I wanted it to be her decision. She obviously wanted a little space (having just failed a final), and took her time coming down to talk. When she came down, I reported on my temple experience. I don't really remember much from that conversation.
I do remember that I insisted that she decide for herself if this was right. You always hear the horror stories from BYU about some return missionary who receives revelation that he's supposed to marry some 19 year-old freshman, and tells her that he has made the decision for both of them. She feels like he's the spiritual one, so he gets to make that decision. THAT IS DEAD WRONG. Just because a guy and a girl are dating, or have feelings for each other doesn't give the guy any right to receive revelation for the girl (or vice-versa). I could know for myself that marrying Denise was right for me, but I had no right to know if marrying me was right for Denise. Only she could figure that out for herself, and I felt it was my responsibility to interfere as little in that process as possible.
In my mind, that meant not escalating the physical aspect of our relationship any farther than it had already been. Because of this, the next few weeks were slightly awkward. We spent a lot of time together. We talked a lot inside right up until midnight. After midnight, we would dutifully move our conversation to the front porch, where we would stay up well into the night, talking the night away.
Little did I know that Denise was saying to herself "This guy says he wants to marry me, but he certainly doesn't act like it. He won't kiss me. He won't hold my hand. How am I supposed to know if I want to marry him if he doesn't act like he wants to be close to me?"
Again, I admit that I put Denise in an awkward position.
For the record. This was the order of events:
First I proposed. Second we kissed. Third, she accepted the proposal. Fourth we held hands. Somewhere in there, we started dating steadily. While this order worked out well for us, we won't recommend it for our children.
Next Post: Part 5: Deborah
I woke up the next morning more sure than ever that I had made the right decision. As promised, I went to the temple the next morning, and was pleased to spend a good amount of time in the Celestial Room. As I prayed, I got a very distinct impression that Denise would make a wonderful wife, and that this was a very good decision for me. I came home from the temple, changed, and felt obligated to report back to Denise. I fell asleep on her couch, and woke up when she came in, but I didn't get up. I figured if she wanted to talk to me, then she would come and talk, but I wanted it to be her decision. She obviously wanted a little space (having just failed a final), and took her time coming down to talk. When she came down, I reported on my temple experience. I don't really remember much from that conversation.
I do remember that I insisted that she decide for herself if this was right. You always hear the horror stories from BYU about some return missionary who receives revelation that he's supposed to marry some 19 year-old freshman, and tells her that he has made the decision for both of them. She feels like he's the spiritual one, so he gets to make that decision. THAT IS DEAD WRONG. Just because a guy and a girl are dating, or have feelings for each other doesn't give the guy any right to receive revelation for the girl (or vice-versa). I could know for myself that marrying Denise was right for me, but I had no right to know if marrying me was right for Denise. Only she could figure that out for herself, and I felt it was my responsibility to interfere as little in that process as possible.
In my mind, that meant not escalating the physical aspect of our relationship any farther than it had already been. Because of this, the next few weeks were slightly awkward. We spent a lot of time together. We talked a lot inside right up until midnight. After midnight, we would dutifully move our conversation to the front porch, where we would stay up well into the night, talking the night away.
Little did I know that Denise was saying to herself "This guy says he wants to marry me, but he certainly doesn't act like it. He won't kiss me. He won't hold my hand. How am I supposed to know if I want to marry him if he doesn't act like he wants to be close to me?"
Again, I admit that I put Denise in an awkward position.
For the record. This was the order of events:
First I proposed. Second we kissed. Third, she accepted the proposal. Fourth we held hands. Somewhere in there, we started dating steadily. While this order worked out well for us, we won't recommend it for our children.
Next Post: Part 5: Deborah
posted by ronny at 21:11
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home